Crazy-ass family

You just can't make this stuff up

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Cranial Scramble

Please tell me I am not the only mother whose brains are routinely scrambled by a merciless onslaught of questions from her young.
The car is the worst. Caleb and Aidan get bored easily, and upon being seated in the car for 30 seconds or so, begin to look for something to do. Driving me a little insane is the current activity of choice. I will attempt to demonstrate one of these events now. Some imagination is needed; I am unable to create the necessary overlapping effect. Please imagine each new sentence beginning sometime during the sentence before it, if you can.

Caleb: Mom?
Me: Yes?
Caleb: When I was playing Ratchet there was this one level where I beat the boss and I beat him and he was strong but I beat him!
Me: Oh?
Aidan: Mom?
Caleb: Yeah, I guess I was stronger, huh?
Me: Yes, Aidan?
Aidan: Is it dark?
Caleb: I was stronger, right Mom?
Aidan: Is it dark outside, Mom?
Me: Guys, you can't both talk to me at once.
Caleb: But I was stronger, right?
Aidan: Is it dark, Mom? MOM! MOM!
Me: Yes, Aidan?
Aidan: It's dark outside!
Caleb: MOM! I was stronger than the boss!
Me: Yes, Caleb. You were stronger.
Aidan: Mom?
Caleb: Mom?
Me: You can't both talk to me at the same time, boys.
Aidan: Is it bedtime?
Caleb: Where are we going?
Me: Uh...
Aidan: Is it time to go to bed now, Mom?
Caleb: Are we going to the store? I don't wanna go to the store!
Me: Oh my God...
Caleb: MOM! MOM! The store is BORING, Mom!
Aidan: We goin' to the store, Mom? We goin' to the TOY store, MOM? Can me get a TOY?
Caleb: CAN I GET A TOY, TOO?!?

Somehow, Jim always escapes this barrage of endless questions and statements unscathed. He serenely sits, his hands relaxed on the wheel, whistling along with whatever music we're listening to. He is so well able to block the cacophony of noise from the rear seats, in fact, that he is ignorant to my plight, and very often adds to it. Somewhere between "Mom? Why is the sky blue?" and "Mom? The clock says two three two!", Jim will launch into a description of the latest exciting scientific discovery, or wax poetic about the most recent happenings with the Bruins. If Liam is crying, it all becomes indescribably worse.
Eventually, all of the voices begin to meld together in my head. I can no longer concentrate on any one point of conversation, or even pick out relevant words or statements. I become silent. When my attackers - OOPS I mean family - when my family realizes that I am no longer trying my best to be attentive to them, the din of noise increases and crescendos.
And I feel as though somewhere between my thalamus and my temporal lobe, there is a misfire. And I may be close to spontaneously combusting.
Usually around this point, Jim will break off mid-sentence and ask me what's wrong, and I'll realize I've been vigorously massaging my temples or wringing my hands or hugging my knees and moaning softly or some such display of distress. He'll then tell the kids that it's time to be quiet, and there will be relative peace for 23.5 seconds.
23.5 seconds is just enough time for my brain function to recover to almost normal (although I never completely regain function; each of these attacks knocks me down a few IQ points, I'm sure).
Then it starts again.


At 11:19 AM, Blogger Margaret said...

In my family, we just call it "scrambled brains."

We suffer from it often!

At 4:15 PM, Blogger moxiemomma said...

ohhhhhhh the yappity yapping--enough to make a grown woman cry sometimes and i've only got one doing it to me now. the other just screams crazy screams while the boy yaps and yaps and yaps.

At 4:59 PM, Blogger mama_tulip said...

I get that too, but from my daughter and my husband, with my son blowing raspberries and babbling in the background. ;)

Got here via Wordgirl's site, and I've been checkin' out some past posts. I gotta say, your kiddos are adorable and I hope your boobs are feelin' better. I feel your pain; I recently had to wean my son because he was allergic to my boobs. Three cheers for soy!

At 5:19 PM, Blogger Tree said...

Well at least I know I'm not alone. I have to work on some sort of zen "happy place" to go to when that happens!
Hi Margaret - at least you aren't suffering alone!
moxiemomma, the screams make it soooo much worse, do they not?
mama_tulip, I hear soy formula is expensive. Blah. Thanks for the visit!

At 5:26 PM, Blogger mama_tulip said...

It is expensive. But it's better than him screaming and pooping every second of the we'll take it. ;)

At 6:20 PM, Blogger Kylee said...

oohhhh first time visit and I so get this one!!! Constant questions..constant talk...constant argue as well.

I have to laugh because I can so relate!! 8)

At 8:42 PM, Blogger MomToTracyNSheri said...

Just wait until LIAM starts talking too! Bwah hah aha!

At 2:31 AM, Blogger Lisa said...

LOL !!!! Do I ever know what you mean. It doesn't end either as they get older . Zant is still yapping away at me right now and it is after 11 . Ger took the kiddos out today to do some errands ( we did a super clean on the house ) and I stayed to do laundry ( lots and lots ) . I am almost never alone in the house and it was so quiet that it was weird , but it was very , very nice .

At 9:59 AM, Blogger LoriLaurieLauri said...

Scrambled,'s all because of the children! My brain was perfectly normal before 1994!

And I swear, I thought my kids were the only ones like that in the car. Why don't they get it that I can't answer their question, along with 2 others, plus try and keep up with all their demands like, "Can you turn up the radio? I can't hear it!" *duh!* and "I'm too hot/cold!" PLUS drive without getting us all killed!

And Ethan always has to have the last this morning. At the bus stop, Claire found a Wal-Mart receipt in the back (middle) seat of the car. She said, "Oh, mom! Here's a bill!" Ethan: It's not a bill! It's a receipt!
This went on until I was finally able to shove Ethan out of the door with my foot, and as the door is closing he is yelling, "It's a receipt!!!"


At 10:03 AM, Blogger Tree said...

Hahaha well don't your kids just sound exactly like my kids, Laurie. You've further clarified my anguish! Caleb is the last word guy. With his Mom and Dad, too. Drives me INSANE but I have to take some of the blame for that one. I'm, uh, a little like that. *hee hee*
And we get the "I can't hear the song, Mom!" and "I'm too hot back here" every trip, without fail.
So I guess I'm saying you are not alone.
I hear you, sistah!

At 11:25 AM, Blogger s@bd said...

Two words for you:
DVD. Player.

Keeps mine quiet for hours in the car. Of course, only one of mine talks ...

At 11:37 AM, Blogger moxiemomma said...

oh. my. god. do i EVER agree with S! DVD player! yes! we have one and when we remember to put it in the car it's actually quiet in the car. really!

At 12:30 PM, Blogger Tree said...

We had a DVD player but it's broken. You're right, though! Things WERE quieter when it was working!
I'm getting another one.


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