Crazy-ass family

You just can't make this stuff up

Monday, January 23, 2006

Shazam! Behold My Ugly Side. Or, More Appropriately, WAH, WAH WAH.

I'm not really good at anything. Really. I mean, I enjoy writing, and drawing, and playing the flute. And being a Mom and having a house to live in and being married and being a sister and a psychic and a friend. But I'm not really good at any of it. It's true! One thing I am fantastic at? Bullshitting. Yep. I could make your ass believe it was your forehead, if you like.
But maybe that's my problem. Maybe I make people think I'm good at things with my amazing bullshitting technique, and then when it comes right down to it, I'm not.
So yes, I've had a rather tough morning which has knocked my confidence down quite a bit and, as you've probably noticed, has made me rather whiney and pathetic.
I found out that the "promotion" I thought I had is not quite as "in the bag" as I thought. Meaning my HR person is mean and won't give me any indication as to whether I actually got on the list or not. And meaning that the manager who was supposed to have sent me a letter of offer called and let me know that she WOULD send me a letter of offer IF I was returning back to work at the end of this month.
Which, dear readers, I am most definitely NOT.
So I began to feel rather crappy about my career. Then I thought, "but look at all that I have!" and I did; I looked at my shamefully messy house and the piles of laundry in the laundry room and the stacks of junk piled on the kitchen table. I regarded, with ire, the flakes of cereal dried to the table. I noted, with distaste, the jam glued to the kitchen floor.
"Ok, so maybe that was the wrong example to make me feel better," I rationalized. Aha! "I am a pretty darn good mother! I studied my son, who was, at that moment, chewing on the tv controller while sitting in his exersaucer and watching Baby Einstein. He caught me looking at him and yelled loudly, which he is wont to do as of late. His sleeper has several areas of caked-on cookie marring its pretty pale blue fuzziness.
My spirits sunk some more.
I know, ok? I KNOW my life is pretty damn nice. I have three gorgeous kids, a great husband, and we all have a roof over our heads and there's food on the table and all that. I know that I have a good, stable job, regardless of present circumstances. I know that I have my sister and brother nearby. And that the sun is shining. And I have my health.
But sometimes, the negatives seem to...sort of...all pile up and obscure the view of the wonderful, you know?
I'm thinking the horrendous menstrual cramps I'm suffering (and the raging hormones that tend to accompany said cramps) are intensifying my negative feelings.
But if my husband, or my brother for that matter, even think about making such a suggestion, asses will be kicked!
Or convinced they are foreheads.


At 12:37 PM, Blogger mama_tulip said...

Awww...girl...I've been there. No, wait. I AM THERE. This weekend? When I was calling my daughter's poo on the "phone"? I was like, "This is what my life has become? This is what I'm good at?"

Yup, the positives are definitely there, but sometimes it's so overwhelming. I do the same thing -- look around my house and see all the crap and get feeling like ohmygoodgod I can't keep up with this!

Sorry to hear about your job. That bites. :(

At 12:55 PM, Blogger Jennboree said...

Sorry you're having such a sucky day. HR people ARE mean. Destined to be HR meanies at birth, I guess.

Keeping perspective is hard sometimes, but then you'll have that perfect moment of love from your children or husband that make it all better. Hopefully. Unless everyone conspired for your entire day to suck. Now where did I put that half-full glass?

At 6:11 PM, Anonymous Jo said...

Tree! Big hugs to you. Going back to work/not going back to work is an emotional minefield at the best of times, without crappy HR people making it worse. Your house is not shamefully messy, think of it as shabby chic. Be whiney and pathetic today, sometimes it's good to have a good wallow in your misery, as long as you can pull yourself out again... Besides - we need our spooky Tuesday ghost story tomorrow! Jo xx

At 6:21 PM, Blogger Tree said...

I love you girls.
Hormones still wreaking havoc.
But you guys made me feel...supported! Like an excellent bra, but more verbal!
Seriously, thank you. Your words mean a lot.
Oh, and mama_tulip, I think calling poo on the hand takes enormous talent!
jennboree, you're right half FULL, half FULL!!
jo, no worries, my day has been full of whines. and you'll get your story tomorrow, goshdarnit!

At 6:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

umm is she on her period or what???

At 7:53 PM, Blogger Tree said...

Ooooooh Jim is in trouble!

At 10:03 PM, Blogger MomSquared said...

*This* is your ugly side??

Well..hell, I'm much uglier than you are, then.

Tree I was totally feeling like this the other day. And then I almost started feeling like it again today when I couldn't find my cellphone (because, wtf, can't I stop losing things?!).

Funny how the smallest things can set you off feeling worthless. But from what I can see from reading your blog for..okay, only about a are a very likeable and witty person.

Who cares about the laundry! And your kids look cute and happy, so I'd say you've got an A+ there as well!


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