Just a Taste of My Life...Complete with Links for Your Clicking Pleasure

Life is busy. I often contemplate the fullness of it. Today, I shall contemplate and write at the same time. Lucky you!

8 days ago, I traveled to Montreal with friends. I went to places people don't go anymore and took pictures of things my eyes found beautiful. I love to do this. I think that finding beauty everywhere is a skill...something we should all develop. When I visit places whose usefulness has been forgotten, I have the opportunity to open my eyes in a different way, and see the stories in what's left.

How gorgeous peeling paint can be. How intriguing a broken window. An empty shoe. A crumbling staircase.

When I explore these places, I remember what it was like to be a kid in the woods, discovering.

7 days ago I played with my children. We were loud. I looked around my house and saw the cluttered surfaces and perpetually dirty floor and chose to play with my children. Then, I went to dinner with my husband. I had salmon. I watched Apocalypto. We got into an epic argument over the movie.

6 days ago I awoke with a sore throat. That morning, a coworker told me that I wasn't doing my job as well as I should be and that I'd never advance at this rate. I suspect he was upset that I hadn't done enough of his work for him. Work was crazy that day. That night, I went to see a double feature at the Mayfair: Manufactured Landscapes by Edward Burtynsky and Baraka. Both were incredible films, and I walked out of there not only inspired but determined to travel the world.

5 days ago I awoke with a sore throat and felt as though I hadn't slept at all. That day I organized the entertainment for the office Christmas party. I lamented the state of my finances (don't even get me started), and worked, worked, worked on presentations. I had an hour and a half of singing that night.

4 days ago I awoke with a painfully sore throat and feeling as though someone had stuffed my head with a wet towel. It was another crazy day at work. My friend Rachel came home with me and witnessed the chaos that is dinner-time at my house. Then, we picked up another dear friend and went to a house to clear it of more than 20 ghosts. And that was just upstairs.

3 days ago I awoke feeling like I was dead. My shoulders hurt. So did my back, neck, elbows, wrists, pelvis, knees, and ankles. And my head.
I played my flute and sung at the Christmas party that day. It was awful. Jim called me to tell me he was picking Aidan up from daycare; he had a high fever. When I got back to the office after the party, Jim called once again to tell me he was getting Liam...he had a high fever, too. I took the bus home, falling asleep in fits and spurts on the way. That night, I administered Tylenol and Ibuprophen, comforted the sick kids, and barely slept.

2 days ago, I awoke feeling like I was dead and residing in some sort of cruel, cold place. I had slept two hours. My body felt as if someone had wrung it out. Aidan and Liam were feverish and rivers of snot flowed freely from their sore nostrils. Jim stayed home until 9:30 so I could sleep a bit, then went to work. I took care of the sick ones all day. When Jim got home I took a nap. When I awoke, I felt a little better. I ate supper, then went to pick up Rachel. We went to Mark's and played DDR and Karaoke Revolution and Settlers of Catan with Mark and Laura until 1am. It was so much fun I forgot my body hurt. Got home around 2:30. Slept 'til 6:30, waking several times to comfort Liam.

1 day ago, Jim woke me to take care of the kids. He was off to try and purchase a Nintendo Wii. I was tired. Jim was unsuccessful. The fevers were better. The snot was better. I was tired. Jim came home and I slept. I awoke, ate lunch and played with the kids. We watched Ghost Hunters. I don't remember if I took another nap. Jeff babysat and Jim and I went to see The Pursuit of Happyness, which made me cry. I ate poutine and milk duds and drank fruitopia. The soreness was better.

Today, I awoke with a terribly sore throat. It's Jim's day to sleep in so I've been chasing Liam around all morning. Do you know that 18 month-olds do not get bored of doing something over and over again? Like opening the dishwasher? Or emptying the drawers? Or trying to get behind the couch? It's true. And today he's like a little blonde slug. He wipes his nose on his hand and leaves a little slimy trail wherever he goes. People, I feel like my kitchen is coated with the stuff. Gross, right? Right.

Sometimes, I wish I could hibernate for a few months. Just disappear for a while and sleep. Nobody would knock at my door because I simply wouldn't be there.

But oh, what I'd miss! And I'd much rather have this full life than an empty one...things aren't easy, but they're often fun. And NEVER boring.

At the Christmas party, a friend was describing an SNL skit about sanitary napkins. But he said sanity napkins. I lost it. Mark, on the other side of me, hadn't quite caught it, so I repeated, "sanity napkins! It's so appropriate!" and we laughed for what felt like minutes. I couldn't breathe, I laughed so hard. Tears streamed from my eyes. And in that moment, I was happy.

This morning, amidst the chaos that is three little boys figuring out what to do with their time, I looked up from what I was doing and saw Liam on the floor with one of the books I'm reading, gently turning the pages. Quietly pondering the text. His little head turned and his eyes met mine, and he smiled. In that moment, I was full.

Sometimes, I want time to slow so I can take in these moments and hold them. I know I forget so much. But they leave their mark on me.

What is this life I'm living? Am I doing it right? Do I leave my mark on others? Is it good? All these things I do...am I doing them right? What do they mean?

Do you ever think these things?

Do you ever feel like someone else is orchestrating things? And you're sort of just...going with the flow?

Do you ever wonder if maybe you should have just stayed on the Zoloft?

Here's what I'm going to do today: nothing. As much as possible, anyway. Because there's shopping that needs doing, and the floors...WOW, the floors...and laundry for five people...and diapers...