Crazy-ass family

You just can't make this stuff up

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Weather Report

Good morning!

My name is Tree and I'll be your friendly weather reporter today!

Today I am on location in Eakinsville, Quebec to bring you an exclusive report. It seems the weather in this area has gone from calm and sunny to, well, nasty, in record time!

Let's first take a look at the big news, here. There is a medium-sized weather system wreaking havoc all over Eakinsville. We've named this storm "Aidan." Beware! Aidan can be deceivingly quiet one minute, and then reigning terror the next. Aidan is easily identifiable - it's what we call a "Spotty Storm." That's right, this storm is covered from top to bottom in red spots, and if it comes in contact with you, you may be, too! Here's a recent photo of this dangerous weather system:

Ooooh, frightening! Observe the crazy pyjama-top hat! Clearly, this storm is not only covered in spots, but verging on the insane! Do not despair, though, weather-watchers! This spotty system should be back to regular, calm breezes in less than a week, according to local forecasts.

Now let's take a look at what we're calling the "Viral Pressure System." While this smaller system was developing, it was widely accepted that it was simply a smaller version of Aidan, our "Spotty Storm," however we have since learned that appearances can be deceiving. It seems that the few small red spots in this particular system are, in fact, insect-bite related. Why, then, does this system, affectionately referred to as "Liam", continue to exhibit temperatures up to 104.1 degrees? Upon examination by the local Pediatric Weather Expert, it was determined that this is, indeed, a different system entirely from Aidan. As you can imagine, weather-watchers, this creates a potentially dangerous situation. This means that, should these systems collide, there could be cross-contamination, and a whole new type of storm, with both itchy spots, and extremely high temperatures could be created.

Don't let this recent photo of the "Viral Pressure System" fool is beautiful, but can be destructive!

Lastly, let's take a look at the largest storm, characterized by it's excessive loudness and speed. This storm, dubbed "Hurricane Caleb," may be the loudest, but it is the least threatening as far as infecting the weather around it. "Caleb" is currently displaying a swollen area in the upper left quadrant, thought to be caused by an abscess, which the local Hurricane Dental Expert will attempt to conquer this afternoon. This should be an exciting event, considering the loudness abilities of this particular storm! Earplug employment is highly recommended!

This just in! The most recent sightings of "Caleb" are consistently reporting a new swelling! This time, it is located in the extreme upper right quadrant and is an angry shade of red! The loudness! It is intensifying! Consultations with the same Pediatric Weather Expert who diagnosed tiny "Liam" have resulted in the following diagnosis: "extreme reaction to insect infiltration." Again, non-threatening to local weather systems. Impressive to view, however! Just take a look, weather-watchers!

Impressive, no? The sheer size of it!

The other two local weather systems, dubbed "Jim" and "Tree" are non-threatening, however the three systems discussed today are indeed causing some worry regarding their ability to continue the work that they do to support Eakinsville. In fact, if the more destructive systems continue to wreak havoc, "Jim" and "Tree" will probably lose their jobs as the overseeing systems and become pathetic and weak and unable to sustain the smaller systems.

Well! Let's take a look at the long-range forecast!

Based on past events, we are predicting that "Aidan" will become infected with "Liam's" high temperatures, at which point it will become a more volatile type of system, erupting at various intervals. This should take place over the next week. Simultaneously, "Liam" is predicted to become detrimentally affected by "Aidan's" itchy spots, which is predicted to happen sometime within the next month.

The overseeing systems will be required to quit their current jobs and move into a hut where they will grow their own vegetables and make their own clothes out of potato sacks.

"Caleb" will have to have extensive weather-dental work and will be fine.

But still very loud.

Have a fantastic day, weather-watchers! And just to ensure that you do, take my advice, and DON'T visit Eakinsville!

This is Tree, signing off.


At 11:56 AM, Blogger Margaret said...

I am hoping Liam's spidey pj's will protect you all from the creation of any super-storm possibilities in your vicinity!

Long-range forecast wishes: healthy (and happy).

At 12:44 PM, Blogger mama_tulip said...

Only you can take a potentially horrible situation -- three sick kids -- and make it funny. I love that about you. I'd be whining and swearing all over my blog if I were in your shoes.

Good luck with everything; I hope the storm systems pass through with no major damage.

At 5:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was hopin' to visit Eakinsville to expose my babe to the pox at a young and thus less threatening age. But with so many other dangerous weather systems around, that seems to be folly!

Take care all...

Jill xo

At 5:13 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

Boy, when it rains - it pours.

Here's hoping that there is no cross contamination and every one is healthy again very soon.

At 9:00 PM, Blogger ChristyD said...

LOL! I'm impressed with your creativity given such intense weather systems!

At 8:12 AM, Blogger Ann said...

Wow~!! I am completely impressed. You totally have your hands full.
I will email you in a week or so .. I want you to have time to let the weather calm down.

Take care..

At 8:48 AM, Blogger The Mater said...

Your cup runneth over! Unfortunately, this bad-weather pattern may be settling in for a couple weeks, given the kinds of systems that are bumping into each other. Let's hope you all can ride out the worst storms and enjoy the rainbow at the end.

Bless you all! Watch funny DVDs and laugh a lot - it helps the healing.

At 2:15 PM, Anonymous Jenn said...

Oh my dear lord, I can't BELIEVE the crummy luck at Chez Tree! So, so, so sorry, doing my clumsy best to send you some green energy.

Oops, just tripped over a chakra. Excuse me.

At 4:06 PM, Blogger Deb said...

HOw are you working???? See how I panic at the thought of the pox? Actually my girls need to get it here sometime soon, but I do dread the long term sickness.
Such a great creative post! My brain won't work and I am like mamatulip, I would be swearing and cursing and complaining all of my blog.


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