I’m a Little Bit Crazy and That’s OK

*This is post number 100! On this momentous occasion, I invite all you lurkers to leave a comment. Thanks to all who visit; this blog has brought me more than I dreamed it could.*

My appointment on Monday night was fine. Two important things happened: 1) she didn’t prescribe any medication, and 2) I decided I'm ok with that. For now.
My psychologist listened excitedly as I described my vomit phobia. She had dealt with a similar case about 10 years ago, and the treatment (mostly cognitive/behavioural) was successful. We talked about the steps we’d take for a while, and I begun to have hope. She gently walked me through her plan, which includes several weeks of “steps” I’ll take to get me thinking about things differently, and which ultimately culminates in a purposeful, ipecac-induced barfing session. Seriously. When she said that, the fight or flight response was swift and harsh. I wanted to bolt out of there and never look back. But she’s assured me that we’ll take it slow, and that I won’t have to do it until I’m ready.
Wanna know a secret?
There’s no way on this side of Hell that that is ever going to happen.
See, my problem isn’t with the actual puking. I’ve puked before. It sucks monkey ass. But it’s not the end of the world. My problem is with my puking obsession, most likely related to my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Logically, I am aware that vomiting is not dangerous…it’s my obsession (unable to be controlled by me) that’s causing the angst. So I’ll take the steps…hey, I think changing my behaviours and thoughts on the subject will help. However, friends and neighbours, I have nearly perfected the technique of not throwing up, even when it is most advisable to do so. Throwing up makes me tired and sore and, oh yeah, EW! So, if I don’t have to do the deed, I won’t. I don’t think the actual act will help.
Who knows, that view could change as I become more sane.
Anyway, my doc. was looking all bright-eyed and proud of herself as our barf conversation drew to a close. Then I sprung the rest on her. As I regaled her of tales of debilitating panic, daily problems with obsessive behaviours, overwhelming anxiety, and the like, her face took on a bit more of a tense look.
THEN we talked about my family history.
Ah, it was almost funny.
Poor woman.
Anyway, I’m going to post updates on my weekly treatment. Maybe I’ll help someone. Or maybe it’s just therapeutic. Or maybe someone will see some humour in it. I hope so – I do! Here’s what I’m doing this week:

1) I am to have my kids and my loving husband record themselves pretending to puke. Then I will shut myself in my bedroom, recline on my bed and attempt to relax, and listen to the tape for as long as I can stand it. I am supposed to do this daily. It sounds kinda funny, huh? But although I hide it well, my stomach does a nasty lurch every time anyone makes any type of barfy noises. So this is a challenge.
2) I am exercising 20 minutes a day. Supposed to be as good as taking an anti-depressant, what with the release of adrenaline and nor-epinephrine and other happiness/relaxation hormones. I’m actually enjoying this part. For the last two nights, when all the little ones are snug in their beds, I’ve ventured into the out-of-doors and I’ve walked, briskly, for 20 minutes. It’s freezing out there at that time of night! On Tuesday night, the wind was blowing harshly and the snow stuck and froze resolutely to my cheeks, but I pressed on. Sure, I could stay inside and do yoga or play Dance Dance Revolution, but I like getting out of the house and breathing the air…even the snot-freezingly cold variety.

So, what else? Jim took the day off yesterday and Aidan stayed home from daycare. It’s Caleb’s March break week, so we decided to spend a day together. We went to Denny’s for breakfast, which was YUM. Jim’s breakfast was shockingly ginormous. It was HUGE. Disgustingly so. But well worth the money.
I’m going to leave you with a sweet picture of our non-sleeper, whose hair was recently assaulted by static. Here’s the result:



Oh! Many, many thanks for the suggestions on that whole pesky sleep issue. I’ve ordered “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” and look forward to devouring it in record time so we can make some positive changes around here.

Oh! Also! Several of you want remote energy readings. I’ve done a couple and have a couple more scheduled, and I must apologize for the delays to those of you who haven’t heard from me! Rest assured, I want to do your reading; I love doing this work. I know that eventually I’ll be bogged down with requests, but for now, all is well and good except for the whole time issue. I’ll get to you!