Crazy-ass family

You just can't make this stuff up

Thursday, February 23, 2006

In Which I Try To Figure My Nephew Out

My 19-month old nephew has a sock fetish.
Upon entering his home, a guest will find their feet the subjects of intense scrutiny from the inquisitive Gage. If said guest is wearing socks, their feet will be caressed, sat upon, held, and covered by a pair of bare, chunky little boy feet. It is strange and rather charming.
Gage's fascination with socks is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to intriguing tidbits about this little person. He is also...magical.
Well, I think he is. He must be!
Yesterday, I lovingly prepared some macaroni and cheese for him, and, placing him in the highchair, presented the meal, which was received with great excitement. He ate with exuberance, and creatively spread the pasta over the highchair tray. Pleased with his happiness over the meal, I stepped into the kitchen to rinse Liam's bowl and spoon. I had my back turned for 5.7 seconds. When I turned around, dear readers, I was quite shocked. The child had somehow covered my living room floor (carpet and wood alike) with macaroni. Upon closer inspection, I discovered that both couches, Liam's exersaucer, and the pillows had also fallen victim to this assault by pasta. How he wreaked such havoc in such a short time is beyond me.
Have I simply forgotten what this age is like?
Or is Gage an extraordinary little person?
Before leaving, my sister gave Gage a bottle of milk for the road. Without hesitation, he upended the bottle and began to shake it violently, spreading droplets of milk over anything in the vicinity. When he did deign to actually consume the milk, inordinate amounts of it were unceremoniously allowed to escape his mouth and soak the front of his shirt.
My fridge magnets found themselves apprehended (and thusly incapable of holding up the copious amounts of paper and art that occupy the exterior of the fridge) several times.
My senses were assaulted by spontaneous bursts of noise most frequently.
He exhausted me quite thoroughly.
And the child, he has the most liquid chocolate brown eyes. There is intelligence in those eyes. There is an inexplicable maturity, somehow. And he isn't free with his smiles, so when you manage to deserve one, your heart warms. You feel privileged. And his size! At 19 months, he is as heavy as Aidan, who is nearly 4. His arms and legs are admirably solid. He is not fat...there are no rolls of fat present. He's just big. His chest is barrel-like in proportions. His head, obviously the receptacle of an impressively large brain, invites exploration by palpation. In short, the child is large.
And those feet...those gigantic little feet that he insists on carefully placing on your sock-covered ones.
You want to eat them.
Well, you would, if they weren't covered in whatever he's most recently spilled all over himself.
He's charming.
He's crazy.
He is so, so adored.


At 9:20 AM, Blogger Jennboree said...

How cute!!! And reminds me once again what a dainty girly-girl I have for a 20 month old daughter.

I've been absolutely amazed at how BIG toddler boys are! Is it something in the air? In the water? In the gene pools?

I would love if my little tadpole is a boy. A whole spankin new adventure!

At 10:38 AM, Blogger Odd Mix said...

Excellent post! I need pictures!

I think all children between 18 and 36 months have a mystical ability to transport messes to any available clean surface. Mine atually does it by adhering said mess to all parts of her body and then uneringly targets said boddy parts for said clean surfaces.

At 11:11 AM, Blogger Tree said...

jenn, my boys are dainty and fragile compared to Gage! It's so odd for me to pick Gage up and realize that he's as heavy as my 3.5 year old!
I'm excited to find out what kind of baby you're makin'!
odd mix, quite right. How could I not post a pic! I edited the post to include one of my favorites. The kid knows how to give a dirty look, let me tell you! I love your description of how your daughter makes messes!

At 11:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahahahha gage is SOOOO bad that child of mine lol
either he is worse then normal toddlers or you just havn't had a toddler in a while so you have forgotten about the messes they can make? lol i dont know! that picture is pretty funny he looks really pissed off lololol. yes yes the sock fetish, i'm glad you spoke of it, as i have always forgotten to write about that in my journal lol

At 12:41 PM, Blogger LynAnne said...

OMG, too funny! I had completely forgotten about that age (stress-induced amnesia perhaps? LOL) I think you're right. Toddlers are magic. They could probably move mountains in the blink of an eye. Perhaps that's what causes earthquakes - a toddler somewhere having a Very Bad Day?

My son once got ahold of a black crayon and colored on the walls, the carpet, the hardwood floor, the tile around the fireplace, the window and the window sill. It must have happened in a matter of seconds. Maybe toddlers have the same superhero powers as Flash from The Incredibles?

At 1:11 PM, Blogger Stephanie Christine said...

Hello Theresa,
I wanted to let you know that I have a blog site now...I am following in your footsteps. Read if if you like. Are you feeling better???

At 1:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

your nuts too

At 1:51 PM, Blogger Tree said...

Can you clarify? Do you mean that I'm crazy? I'm only guessing because your grammar indicates that you are talking about my nuts...though the incomplete sentence doesn't allow for complete understanding of what your referral to my nuts means...?
Oh, and I don't have nuts.
And if you were trying to say I'm crazy...uh, DUH, I have professed that myself already.
Just trying to be clear.

At 3:17 PM, Blogger TreeBob said...

I have nuts, it is quite possible she is referring to mine.

Tree's husband with nuts.

At 4:16 PM, Blogger Eve said...

Aaawwwwwwww- aren't trolls cute when they can't spell?

Not as cute as Gage... and certainly not adored... but cute nonetheless. :)

I hope you and your nuts have a good day, Tree!


At 8:41 PM, Blogger MomToTracyNSheri said...

Tree- this boy is hot. Have *I* got the 16 month old girl for him!!!

I see anon has made his/her way over here. I guess he/she ran out of stuff to bitch at me about, LOL!

At 8:50 AM, Blogger s@bd said...

he's magically delicious.

At 9:05 AM, Blogger mama_tulip said...

Oh, what a cutie. Those eyes!

It's funny how you can handle your own kids...but when someone else's kid is thrown into the mix it's utterly exhausting, isn't it?

At 6:47 AM, Anonymous Jo said...

Ha ha! I fear your brain had conveniently chosen to block all chaos of toddler life out.

Alex likes to sweep all the fridge magnets off as well - in a grand sweeping gesture in order to cause maximum noise and mess.

But Gage is a bit gorgeous isn't he? Just look at those eyes. And so BIG! Ales is also puny (at nearly 2 he is smaller and lighter than his 12 month old cousin) so it always surprises me when I pick up heavier children!


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