Ghost Story Tuesday

This week I'm going to interrupt the story of the woman in my room, but do not dispair; she'll be back next week.

~~~

Some people say I'm amazing. Lots say I'm crazy. Most say I have a gift.

I say I have a talent. I was born with a talent which I've been fortunate enough to be able to develop and nurture. Just like some are born with the ability to sing, or write, or understand quantum physics, I was born with the ability to sense and work with energy. It only makes me as special as the next person; the one who touches our hearts with poetry, or makes our souls soar with a song.

I am deeply disturbed when people start to think of me as something that I'm not: something superhuman, or something more than the next person. It goes without saying that expectations can become a little unrealistic when one is seen as being able to answer any question. And dissapointment is quick to follow.

Sometimes, I know things. I see things, and I help people. I converse with the dead on a regular basis, and I know people intimately because I can look at them in a way that does not lie. But I don't know everything! And sometimes I just want to turn it all off so I can just have some peace and quiet. One of my most common phrases is "I don't want to be psychic anymore!"

How ungrateful.

But then there are those times...

I have witnessed grown men crying like babies because of what I'm telling them. I have been hugged long and hard by people who never show emotion or who are known to be standoffish. I have helped people find things. I have healed. I have given advice that has changed people's lives. And I've given hope.

When I met Jim, he didn't believe in anything...he was certain there was no higher power, no afterlife...and now, because of the work that he's witnessed me do, he believes there is something else.

That is a gift.

People let me in. They open up and allow me to look at them. They give me so much:

Trust.

Gratitude.

Friendship.

Love.

They let me into thier hearts and into thier homes and they share things with me that they've never shared with anyone.

These are all gifts, too.

Sometimes, someone I do a reading for is changed in such a way that they feel like they have to share their experience with others. They call friends, they email, they write about it...and they make people think about something a little different. That is a wonderful gift to me. If you haven't been reading about Jenn's ghosts, you should. And if have, keep on reading...she hasn't told the best of it yet.

In 13 days, I go back to work with the government. I will sit at a desk in front of a computer and I will do a good job because that's what I always do. But here is my vow: after I repay my year of maternity leave, I will find a way to do my real life's work and it won't just be good...it'll be wonderful! I've never felt comfortable charging for readings, so I think that, in a year, when I start this work that I am meant to do, I will let my clients decide what and how they'd like to pay me. When I thought of that this morning, it felt right.

This thing I've been born with is sometimes a burden, and sometimes it's an overwhelming joy, but it's always a responsibility I take seriously. I always have this question in the back of my mind when I read for people: "How is this going to affect this person? Will it be good for them?" Sometimes I don't tell them things because it would be better for them to find out on thier own, and sometimes I tell them something to help them make different decisions and change what I see.

My main goal is to help, even if I look bad in the end. Would you believe that I take comfort in the fact that people can choose not to believe what I tell them? Because I know that if a message from a loved one is just too much...or they aren't ready...they can just brush me off as a fraud, and be ok. But I can hope that they'll remember my words when they're ready to.

This is a confusing work. And there's no real manual to go by or test to measure with. I question myself all the time. There's so much I don't know! But there are a few things I do know: I need to do this. I do it well. And I need to teach it.

And in a life that is wracked with anxiety and often disturbed by fear, these gifts that I recieve when I use my talent are priceless. I need those, too.

So, to all of you out there who have let me in and shared bits of your lives and of your selves with me, thank you. You always say I have given you so much...but your gifts to me are just as precious!